So, one of my co-workers...and many of my friends, have been after be for awhile about starting a blog and maybe one day a podcast or even a vlog (because apparently it is even more hilarious to actually HEAR me tell these stories) with all of my retail hell stories.
So, I finally sucked it up and got to work.
Sorta. I'm totally lazy and I literally just got home from work like...an hour ago now.
Basically, I've been a small-town librarian for three years. You'd think that working in a library I would deal with some pretty smart people. Why come into a library if you don't genuinely want to be there? ...Well, I ask me that every day I work because we get ALL kinds in there. Trust me.
I've also worked for a Big Box store for six years. And that is probably where most of my Stupid People stories come from. I was a cashier for five years, I worked a stint on Overnight Stocking, and now I work a closing Customer Service shift. For a few months anyway. I am hoping to quit soon.
Which is okay, because trust me... I got stories.
It's because of these stories, I'd like to stay...at least somewhat anonymous. I'm sure I'm traceable, but I'd like to retain as much distance between myself and these two jobs as possible. One, because I am telling stories about people who may be recognizable in my community. Secondly...because as much as I hate my Big Box job, it does currently pay my bills. And I don't think the HQ would appreciate my ripping on them in any way. Even if I don't mention them by name.
However, I will tell you a little about me. I love to write. I've competed in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) for many years --this will be my sixth event in November! So yes, technically I've written roughly 6 novels...I will admit to being kind of a rebel. I've also wrote a trilogy that I am...slowly editing, that I finished my Freshman year of college.
I also love to read. I am an avid GoodReads user. I've (so far) read over 160 books this year. And I've been keeping pretty good track. That does include picture books; which as the YA/Adult Services librarian at my library...I don't read nearly as many as my Children's Services counterpart. But hey, who can pass up a good picture book? Nothing makes my day more than suggesting a book to someone. Nothing irks me more than someone telling me they don't like to read. It's not that you don't like to read...it's that you have no fucking imagination.
I don't watch movies. Often. I especially do not watch movies that are inspired from books. So don't ask me about them.
I love TV. Right this very minute, I am re-watching the 2nd Season finale of Smallville for the millionth time. I love a lot of TV shows. Once Upon a Time, Big Bang Theory, Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother, Bones, Castle...and those are just the ones that come to mind at the moment. I prefer to watch shows after they are good and done (Case and point: Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Dawson's Creek. They'd both been off the air for like three years before I finally watched them).
I don't have the best grammar skills. And editor is going to hate me one day.
But you're wondering why the heck this blog is called Working Bitch Rants.
Well, I'm a working bitch. And I like to rant.
Today's rant is brought to you by: Telephones.
I hate answering phones. If it weren't for the fact that I live in the middle of nowhere and I drive a car, I wouldn't even own a cellphone. I could live without. I Facebook on it more than I call people. True story. However, at both of my jobs, I now have to answer phones. The library is easy. It's usually someone calling to ask what our hours are, if I can put an item on hold for them, or if I can renew something they have checked out.
At the Big Box store...it could be ANYTHING.
I actually enjoy the calls that are "...well you actually just answered my question" because I answer every call "Thank you for calling your 24 hour Big Box..."
But every so often, I get some yay-hoo who wants to know if we have somethnig in stock, but refuses to let me put them on hold for more than thirty seconds. Dudes. We have OTHER JOBS. And even if I wasn't sitting at service desk at 10 o'clock, ALL ALONE, it's not like I can just wander around the store and look and see if we have merchandise in stock for you. Seriously. I have to delegate. And why on EARTH do you need to know if we have twenty candle holders in stock on a Sunday night? (I'm not kidding, I get calls like that) Is it that big of an emergency you can't wait until the morning? It's not like you're going to drive all the way over here the instant I tell you we do anyway --because you always live like an hour away OR closer to ANOTHER STORE!
And these calls ALWAYS come in between 9:45 PM and 10:15 PM, which is when the 2nd shifters are starting to filter out for the night, and the Overnight crew is in their evening meeting after they've clocked in. Which means there is probably no one on the floor to answer your question, and even when I page over head to pick up the call...no one can hear it because they're in the back room. And almost none of the O/N crew, aside from Apparel and Management carries what we call "walkies" (your standard corporate style Walkie-talkies...I'm sure they have a proper name, but heck if I know it).
For example, it's Friday night. This call from a PRIVATE number (yes, we do have caller-ID! We don't get names, but we get phone numbers! Keep that in mind the next time you decide to prank call a Big Box!). The first time, the call drops before I can even answer. The second time, I get the customer.
Caller: I'd like to talk to someone in grocery.
Me: Okay, I can put you on hold. Just one minute.
So, the caller goes on hold. I can see how long a person is on hold. After 2 and a half minutes --and I've over-head paged for the associate in produce TWICE to pick up the call. They hang up.
TWO MINUTES LATER, Private pops up on the ID again and I answer. The same customer.
Caller: I have a question for Produce. ...Well, okay I don't know where it would be, but I'm looking for corn.
Me: What kind of corn? Fresh? Frozen? Canned? Kernels, cobs?
Caller: I think it's frozen. It's actually a [garbled, but I assume it's some kind of like...succotash mix] with other stuff in it.
Me: Well, I'm up at service desk and I don't know our Frozen department. I can put you on hold for another associate.
Caller: Oh no, I was already on hold for like twenty minutes! I'm not doing that shit again.
...Seriously? Two point five minutes is now twenty in your book?
Me: Like I said, I'm at service desk, so I can't really do anything for you from here aside from put you on hold.
Caller (getting annoyed): Well fine. Can you transfer me to Electronics then? I have a question for them too.
Me: I can put you on hold. They don't always answer when I transfer.
Caller: Fine.
So, I put them on hold --the minute I put them on hold, their call disconnects. Customer calls back --asks for Electronics (I don't know if they even realize that they are talking to the same person). Again, after about a minute, the call drops. ANOTHER CALL, and again, asking for electronics, I put them on hold --and after another minute or so wait --electronics finally picks up the call.
OH MY GOD.
I was really tempted to stop and ask the Electronics associate if they caller was irritated with him as the person was with me, but I just wanted to go home and if I stop to chat with other associates, I tend to get a little TOO far sidetracked.
So, moral of this story? When you call a big box store...unless it's a matter of life or death, don't call after 8 PM. Because most likely you'll have to deal with a bitch like me who doesn't want to be answering your stupid questions in the first place and thinks you're dumb for being a lazy fuck who can't just come in a browse like a normal person. Secondly, at least know WHAT you really want when you call. If you are socially awkward...just step away from the phone. Shop on line. Amazon Prime is amazing and totally worth the extra like...what? $35? I don't even know...I just know I love it. Because I don't have to deal with people when I shop online.
And that is a great thing.
-WB
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